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QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
 
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Answers to common questions about female orgasm:

1- I have known my partner for 3 months and we get on very well sexually but we do not have simultaneous orgasms, what can we do about it?

Simultaneous orgasms are frequent neither for young couples nor for couples who have known each other for a long time. A little patience is necessary; moreover do not hope for simultaneous orgasms at each intercourse, not even after several years of common life. An advice, do not seek this simultaneity at all costs, because the more you will think about it and the less you will reach it, and you will be likely to not have an orgasm at all because of too much wanting to reach it at the same time as your partner.

2- Can a woman have several orgasms during the same intercourse?

YES, unlike men who after an orgasm present a more or less long refractory period, some women can have several orgasms one after the other during the same sexual relation. For those women the problem is that the partner must be able to control his arousal durably and not ejaculate prematurely!

3- I would like to know if it is normal that I can reach orgasm only in one position (the one when I am on top of my partner), we are together since 7 years and we tried everything so according to him I am not normal. Is it true?

Some women, like you, can only reach orgasm in only one position. This is due to their anatomy, especially to the tilted pelvis, which make that in some positions the contact between the penis and the famous G point and between the clitoris and the pubis of the partner is better. On the other hand, on top position, woman is more active and controls even more the penetration. You are perfectly "normal".

4 - I often have painful spasms just before orgasm, how can I treat it?

First, you need to consult your gynecologist to be sure that there is no organic cause to this pain. If nothing can be found, seeing a psychotherapist would be useful, because this pain can be due to a form of guilt linked to sexual pleasure.

5- I was wondering if I am normal because I can only reach orgasm when my sexual pleasure is a bit painful: for example, when my partner force me to have sexual relation or when he hurt me a little??

It is difficult for me to answer to your question in term of normality, but it is important to know that pleasure and pain are quite "close". Perhaps, you have a psychological masochist component a bit more developed than average. See questions and answers about sadomasochism.

6- My partner and I are satisfied about our sexual life. However, I cannot reach orgasm before he reaches his orgasm. I think I focalize too much on his pleasure and then I always reach an orgasm after him. It is frustrated for both of us. What can I do to focalize less on his pleasure and more on mine?

In general, men reach orgasm more easily than their female partner does. If it is difficult for you to let yourself go to your own pleasure, your partner will always ejaculate before you. If you let yourself feel your pleasure, I think your partner will ejaculate during your orgasm, because the contractions, which go with orgasm, are particularly exciting for men. So let yourself go, do not think to his pleasure but to your and maybe you will get simultaneous orgasm.

7 - I am a woman of 54 years old and I would like to know if it is normal to have both clitoral orgasm and vaginal orgasm. I always have both orgasms, that is my partner gives me first an orgasm with my clitoris then he penetrates me and then I get a second orgasm but this one is vaginal and quite strong, all my body is shaking and I need few minutes to be able to stand on my feet. Sometimes, my head is spinning. I never had orgasms like that with my first husband and I am a bit confused because I do not know if it is normal or not.

Some woman have, sometimes, this double orgasm, clitoral then vaginal. Usually, clitoral orgasm is less strong than vaginal orgasm. Yours is that strong that you need a moment to recover. You are not abnormal but more a privileged, because only few woman have a double orgasm with a second orgasm that strong!

8- Is it true that a woman have an orgasm quota in her life?

No, not at all. Men or women can be satisfied with one orgasm or more every day or with only one orgasm per year for example. We are all different from one to another and our sexual desire as well. Sexual pleasure, and orgasm in particular, are emotional factors, which bring well-being on a physical and psychological plan, but some people can live very well without it. Therefore, there is no quota and no norm! Let yourself go to your desires when they can be realized without constraints upon others.

9- I have a problem; I cannot reach orgasm with my clitoris or with my vagina. What can I do?

I advise you to, first, try by masturbation, because it is the easy way to reach orgasm. It is easier to have an orgasm alone, than with a partner. You need also to let yourself go to your pleasure, without restraining yourself. Finally, you also need to know that some women do not have strong orgasm but some mini orgasmic discharges.

10- My partner does not have sexual desire and never make the first step for sexual relation. She does not have orgasm by clitoris stimulation (manual or oral) and never get wet. Despite all this, she says that sometimes she gets clitoral orgasms by masturbation and vaginal orgasms when I penetrate her (with lubricant). I do not know if I can trust her, what do you think of all that? Thanks.

A woman can have only a weak sexual desire but be able to reach orgasms as all women. The fact that she is not getting wet corresponds to her lack of desire but does not mean that she cannot have orgasms. If she can have orgasms, alone, by masturbation, and if she does not have some when you caress her, it is maybe because you do not caress her like she would want it. You need to talk with her about it. Her lack of orgasm when you caress her can be also because it is more difficult for her to let herself go during penetration than during masturbation.