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QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
 
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Answers to common questions about female sexual desire:

1- Is it normal that my partner make love to me 5 to 6 times during the night?

This is not abnormal if your boyfriend is very attracted to you sexually. Some men have a very strong libido (sexual desire) so, a need of frequent sexual relations. In general, this occurs only at the beginning of a new sexual relation because the desire decreases with time and the sexual performance too! 

2- My partner calls me frigid because I do not have as much desire to make love as him.

The frequency of desire varies from one person to another. In couple, usually the man wants to make love more often than the woman wants. That has nothing to do with frigidity, which is the regular lack of desire and pleasure. 

3- I like to make love a lot, sometimes several times a day, whereas my partner does not as often, and he calls me a nymphomaniac, what do you think of it?

Desire of one varies from one person to another and it is not because your boyfriend does not want to make love as often as you that you are a nymphomaniac! Nymphomania is characterized by the fact that the desire for sexual intercourse exists with any partner, without any relationship, in order to satisfy a permanent sexual frustration, which involves an uncontrollable sexual instinct.

4- My partner who does not want a child now, makes me take the pill but I find that the pill decreases the desire for sexual intercourse, is this usual?

No, it is not usual and the pill had never decreased the desire for sexual intercourse, on the contrary, it stops a woman’s fear of being pregnant and therefore gives to that woman a more open out sexuality and thus more desire! I think that in your case, you want a child and as your partner does not, you are punishing him for refusing you this pregnancy. It is really a shame to punish both of you in your sexuality before starting a pregnancy, which would be even more fulfilling if you both wanted it.

5- I would like to know if desire and sexual pleasure in a young girl of 23 years old could change from what they were when she was 17-18 years old (that is at 17-18 years old they were more intense) or if they stay the same. Is masturbation can decrease desire and sexual pleasure?

On a physiological plan, there is no difference for desire between 17 and 23 years old. Generally, desire increases when the woman gets more pleasure during sexual relations. Sexual pleasure, himself, is increased with a better knowledge of ourselves, of our body and of our partner. It is possible that your sexual desire was stronger during your first sexual relations because it was new. However, masturbation can never decrease desire, and concerning pleasure, it depends of the pleasure that your partner gives you compare to the pleasure you get by masturbation!

6- I am with my boyfriend since 2 years. During the first six months, everything was ok but, since few months, I am not anymore in love with him but I feel affection for him. He is still in love with me and often wants sexual relations that I cannot give him. He asks me to go and see a sexologist but I am afraid of what he is going to tell or advice me. What should I do? 

It is, in fact, necessary to consult a sexologist and to accept to hear the truth: love feeling is necessary in order to have sexual and couple life totally fulfilled. When this feeling doesn't exist anymore a separation is better especially for a young couple!? However, only you can decide.

7- I am with the same partner since three years and when we make love and that I caress her, she seems to like it; she moans and seems very excited. Nevertheless, what is upsetting me is that she is not lubricated; if I penetrate her, it is dry! According to me, if a woman is not wet it is because she is not excited. 

Effectively, a woman, who is excited, has a vaginal lubrication, except if she is suffering from a vaginal infection, such as mycosis, or if she is post-menopausal. Apart from these cases, if your partner does not lubricate, even during your caresses, it might be because she is not very excited! What you need to know is that the vaginal lubrication is equal to the erection in man: a man gets an erection if he is excited, and a woman is getting wet if she is excited. What you should also know is that erection in man can be quicker than vaginal lubrication in woman, so maybe you will need to make your caresses last before the penetration.

8- For me, sex is not important and I can live without it. Am I normal? Should not I have some sexual drives? This is a problem for my partner who does not understand my reaction, and I do not know how to explain to him that it is not his fault.

Some men or women have only few sexual drives. Either this can be due to hormonal problem and in that case it is necessary to go and see your gynecologist to check it or, the more often, it is due to sexuality depreciation, received during the childhood. If caresses, even not sexual caresses, disturb yourself, you should talk about it with a psychologist in order to find the cause of it.

9- We are married since 12 years, we have children and we get on very well. My husband finds that I do not want often to make love with him. This would explain his desire to go and see some other woman. What should I do? 

Man desire is more spontaneous, and often more frequent that the one of woman. It is necessary that men learn how to arouse the desire in his partner. For this, it is necessary that couples accept to caress each other outside the genital areas, everyday, during 15 to 30 minutes, without the obligation for the woman to go further than caresses. My file "improve your sexual life" deals, among other things, with the difference of desire between man and woman. 

10- I would like to know if it is normal that I can reach orgasm only in one position (the one when I am on top of my partner), we are together since 7 years and we tried everything so according to him I am not normal. Is it true?

Some women, like you, can only reach orgasm in only one position. This is due to their anatomy, especially to the tilted pelvis, which make that in some positions the contact between the penis and the famous G point and between the clitoris and the pubis of the partner is better. On the other hand, on top position, woman is more active and control even more the penetration, which will make her reach orgasm. You are perfectly "normal".

11- With my husband, we do not agree on the way to educate our child (he is 3 years old) which always leads to conflicts between ourselves. However, we get on quite well, and until then everything was ok even at the sex level. Since our arguments become more and more frequent we less want to make love, him as much as me. We do love each other and I would like to know if these arguments could have consequences on our sexual desire?

All arguments, in a couple, can have consequences on the couple sexuality and, especially on sexual desire. You should try to solve this educative problem with the help of pediatrician or psychologist, in order to avoid that your arguments spoil more and more your sexual life and leave definite marks.

12- Tell me how to give pleasure to a woman.

Firstly, never do to her what you would like her to do to you, because women are different to men. Women prefer caresses on all the body whereas men prefer caresses localized at the sex level. So listen to her. Secondly, take your time, do not penetrate her too rapidly and do not ejaculate too quickly. These two notions, among others things, will help you to become a perfect lover.

13- Is the desire to make love, in women, modified during the cycle?

YES, in women who do not take pills, the desire to make love is generally more frequent during the ovulation period due to hormonal secretions.