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QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
 
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Answers to common questions about male and female phantasms:

1- My present partner would like to participate in a threesome, with me and a female friend that we have in common. This is really disturbing, because I do not understand that a man who pretends to be happy with me could have this kind of phantasm?

This phantasm of threesome is one of the most frequent phantasms for men, whereas women are not very tempted with this kind of experience. A man can love and be really happy with a woman, but have in the same time this phantasm in mind, this is absolutely not abnormal! It is up to you whether you can accept a taking action or not. In a couple there should not have a constraint of one to the other.

2- I have a new partner since 6 months, and I do not dare telling him that I really enjoy dominant sexual intercourses (me being dominated). Without going really far into this kind of phantasm, I would like him to give me some little slaps, to smack my bottom, to take me a bit in a brutal way etc... What should I do?

First, you have to tell him that sexually speaking, and only in this domain, you would like to be, in a way, his servant. That he undresses you and make love to you without asking if you agree or not, that he takes you a bit in a brutal way. If his reaction is not completely hostile that means that he feels that he could get of it some pleasure. The dominant phantasm is quite frequent in men's mind and the sexual submission is also quite frequent in women's mind. During a sexual intercourse, which started in this context, you could then ask him to scratch you and to slap you gently. Progressively, you could go further in this kind of relation. However, you really need to tell to your partner that you like to be dominated but only during sexual relations and not in the everyday life in order to avoid a faux pas. You have both to agree on a STOP signal, when the sexual dominant relation will go too far to your taste or if you are not into this submission desire. It is important to make understand to your partner that sometimes you will want some more tender and gentle sexual intercourses.

3- My partner and I, we have some phantasms but we do not dare to express them to each other because we are afraid to be ridiculous, how could we do? 

It is very simple; just buy the books of Nancy Friday about males and females phantasms. Every night, in bed, one after the other, read loud the phantasms concerning the opposite sex. You will quickly realize that your phantasms, which you thought was ridiculous, are common and ordinary, so from that it will be easier for both of you to talk together about your own phantasms! You should also know that you can keep for yourself a part of your phantasms and especially if one of them is about another partner than the one that you are with and particularly if your partner is jealous! 

4- I just confess my phantasm to my wife: threesome with another woman. Is it normal after being married for 15 years?

There is no age for phantasms. This phantasm is the most common in men. After 15 years of being married, this phantasm shows that you are still interesting in the sexuality with your wife, which is a good thing, because many men fantasize more about an extra-conjugal relation excluding their wife! 

5- Can appeal to phantasms allow the increase of our sexual excitation during sexual relations?

YES, it is a solution when the intercourses are a bit monotonous, but avoid telling to your partner that you need that to be excited!!

6- Are Erotic dreams the same as phantasms?

NO, because phantasms exist only in the conscious state.

7- I have almost no phantasms whereas my partner has lots, am I a normal woman?

Your sexual imagination might have been block, when you were young, by some depreciating comments about sexuality. A woman can have a satisfying sexuality without having any particular phantasms, but the erotic imagination is, still, an important thing for an open out sexuality.

8- How can we learn to fantasize or to develop our phantasms?

There is no technique to learn how to fantasize. Read some erotic books could help you to develop and enrich your imagination with new phantasms.